New Delhi: Pakistan replies to India’s 26/11 dossier in its own inimitable style - “Indian dossier had Ghajini movie CD’s.”

India gave dossier on 26/11 Mumbai attack to Pakistan, seeking its cooperation on the investigation. After playing all delaying tactics, yesterday Pakistan’s external affairs minister “Cherry Rahman” decided to give the reply to Indian counterparts. She flew in to New Delhi to give the detailed report to Indian external affairs minister “Pranab Mukherjee”. Pranab graciously received the guest and thanked for personally delivering him the message. But he was shocked upon reading the message.

The message read,

09/02/2009
Islamabad

Pyare Pranab Bhai(Dear Pranab Brother),

We, the People of Pakistan are extremely thankful for sharing the dossier with us.

We should admit Pakistani’s always download Bollywood movies from illegal sites. Some “Non State actors” in Karachi even go to the extent of making pirated CD copies of these movies. Again we are ashamed to admit those copies were of poor video / hardly audible. But still they are way better than films made by our Lahore film industry.

So we were never able to enjoy good Bollywood movies. But in your 26/11 dossier we found Ghajini movie CD’s. The print was so original. Our President Asi Ali Zardari immediately took it to his home to watch with his family. He also shared the CD with Prime Minister Guilani and other coalition partners. However army chief, General Kayani refused to watch the movie as he is a great fan of Sharukh Khan. When we recommended him to watch this movie, he blasted, “I hate all Khan’s be it – “Aamir Khan”, “Salman Khan” or “Pop Khan (Corn)”; except Sharukh Khan”.

We heard that you are growing impatient over our delayed response. Actually, our beloved “Bilal Bhutto” too asked for the CD. Just yesterday he returned it from London. That’s the reason for the delay.

We also find some other documents in the dossier. I remember them saying something about Mumbai attack, 26/11 and some body by the name “Ajmal Amir Kasab”. We gave the details to our intelligence chief. He promised to get back to us by 30th Feb 2009. Once we get the response we will definitely get in touch with you.

“Indo-Paki Bhai-Bhai” - Long Live India Pakistan friendship.

Yours Truly,
(Signed)
Cherry Rahman

After reading the response Pranab Mukherjee fainted. Currently he is treated at AIIMS hospital, New Delhi.

Mean While Pakistan opposition leader, Nawaz Sharif had called for agitation in Rawalpindi for not sharing Ghajini movie CD with him.

New Delhi: Official Prime Minister Manmohan Singh personally went to a regional transport office in Indraprastha to get his driving license renewed. Along with him his wife Gursharan Kaur also got her license renewed.

Manmohan Singh noted for his humbleness, today personally drove to RTO office with his wife to get his license renewed. Punctual PM went at 9:00 AM to RTO office. But he needs to wait long for the issuing officer to come, who finally came in at 10:30 AM which is normal by government office standards. However Manmohan was shocked when the officer demanded Rs.100 bribe to renew license. Though Manmohan tried to explain he got all documents with him the officer was adamant with his demand. Finally license renewal was done only after Manmohan paid Rs.200 for renewing his and his wife’s license.

After returning to Prime Minister Office, Manmohan said, “I never thought people got treated like this in government offices. It just reminds me of the bollywood movie, Hindustani. When I watched the movie long ago, I thought the movies RTO office scenes are exaggerated. But after the treatment I got today I understand those things are real.” (“Hindustani” is a “Hindi movie” which famously depicts the way RTO offices operate in India. It was also released in regional languages – “Indian” in “Tamil” and “Bharateeyudu” in “Telegu”)

“The Prime Minister is quite upset with the way he was treated in RTO office. He is really concerned about common people of our country” Prime Minister’s media advisor Deepak Sandhu said.

Regional transport Office spokes person said, “Chandru Sharma, officer who allegedly took bribe from PM is suspended. A departmental inquiry is underway”.

Lucknow: In his maiden visit to Lucknow after being nominated SP’s Lok Sabha candidate from the city, Dutt drawn condemnation for firing at air during a press meet.

Sanjay Dutt appeared dashing and confident at raod shows.  Lucknow crowds were going crazy to see celebrities like Vidya balan, Jaya Bachchan, Jaya Prada, Manoj Tiwari and Amar Singh.   Sanjay Dutt was enjoying his moment of lime light.

After the road shows ended, a press meet was held at Ram Manohar Lohiya Park. Sanjay Dutt and Manyata showed up in Chikan (Murri embroidered) dress to blend with Lucknow tradition. He greeted press in style and handled questions with ease as long as they were about bollwood songs and dance. He even sang, “Nayak  Nahin” from his super hit movie “Kalnayak” at a reporters request.

But when reporters started asking about politics unease began. He panicked when a reporter asked, “How confident are you to face Atalji (Atal Behari Vajpayee) if he decides to contest from Lucknow?” Jaya Bachchan came to dumbfound Sanjay’s rescue saying, “When Sanjay Dutt started his acting career in bollywood Amitabh never competed with him - because Sanjay was just an upcoming actor. We expect similar favor from Atalji for Sanjay’s political career”. Likewise most political questions were answered by Party veterans while Sanjay remained a silent spectator.

Events took an unexpected turn when a reporter hesitatingly asked about Sanjay’s conviction in 1993 Mumbai blasts case. Furious Sanjay pulled out a pistol and started firing at air. Security officers had tough time overpowering Sanjay and securing pistol from him. Media and several organizations heavily condemned this outrageous act.

When questioned by reporters, Samajwadi leader Mulayam Singh shrugged off saying it’s a minor incident blown out of proportion. But UP CM Mayawati ordered a CB-CID inquiry on this incident.

Lucknow: Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh said in a press conference that if incase Sanjay Dutt can’t contest because of legal issues and Manyata too not willing to contest, SP may field Dawood Ibrahim in Lucknow constituency.

Sanjay Dutt, the controversial Bollywood actor is from Actor-turned-Politicians family. His father Sunil Dutt, mother Nargis Dutt and sister Priya Dutt were Congress MP’s. Though hailing from a political family and bollywood fame behind him Sanjay Dutt can’t make to big politics because of his conviction in 1993 Mumbai serial blasts case in which more than 200 people died. But SP famous for fielding bollywood big names in elections decided to give him a break.

However Sanjay Dutt declined the offer as he was aware of legal issues that can can stop SP from fielding him as its candidate. Then Amar tried to announce “if Sanjay Dutt won’t contest then his wife Manyata will”. But Dutt family refused to field Manyata.

Desperately in need of a controversial star candidate, Amar Singh announced, “All we are looking for is a controversial high profile candidate with bollywood connection. So we went for Sanjay Dutt - convicted in controversial Mumbai case and a well known bollywood actor. It doesn’t work. So we have no other choice other than Dawood Ibrahim. He is better than Sanjay Dutt in all aspects. While Sanjay is just one of the accused, Dawood Ibrahim is the main accused and he has more connection to bollywood than Sanjay.” He also appealed to Congress, “Support our move or else we will withdraw our support to your union government for not taking enough actions against Pakistan post 26 th November 2008 Mumbai Massacre.”

Dawood Ibrahim, the dreaded don residing in Karachi for past 15 years as Pakistan’s state guest declined to comment on this as he was officially not in Pakistan.

German pharmaceutical company “Zimmertisz”, which markets famous memory enhancement tablet “Memoronz G Plus” in India, today announced it is going to file a law suit against Aamir Khan, for acting as a short time memory loss patient in his recent movie - Ghajini.

Ghajini - the action packed thriller movie, starring Aamir Khan, Asin and Jiah Khan is the biggest box office hit of the year 2008. Aamir khan’s performance as the revenge thirsty “Sanjay Singhania” is considered to be one of the main reasons for the films success. But not everyone seems to be happy with the movie.

The pharmaceutical major Zimmertisz, specialized on memory enhancement drugs was quite upset with Aamir as he was its brand ambassador. In a press release Anil Sibal, South Asian regional director of Zimmertisz said - “think about the marketing prospects for a memory enhancement tablet with its brand ambassador depicted as a short time memory loss patient. We are not going to leave this matter. Ever since this movie got released our sales have gone down by 18%. Even our share prices are crashing down. We haven’t anticipated this from a man of Aamir’s caliber. Definitely he needs to issue an apology. Else we need to speak to our lawyer”.

When contacted, sources close to Aamir declined to comment on this.