Mid May election results gave the incumbent Congress led UPA a comfortable majority. Post parliamentary election results the Indian Share markets soar by more than 50 percent. But this economic rise hasn’t benefitted every section of the society. No we are not talking again about rural farmers or urban poor. The latest concern is aboutdecreasing demand for smaller party MP’s who used to earn a lot and”bite more than they can chew” because of minority central governments formed for the past two decades.

So these small party / Third front leaders decided to demonstrate outside the Parliament demanding bail-out for them. Some of them like JD(S) Deve Gowda from Karnataka and SP Amar Singh from UP were most vocal.

Deve Gowda, a senior southern politician, said, “Before election results came, Congress leaders like S.M. Krishna were in constant touch with me. They even promised mining industry ministry to us; so that we can jointly take on mighty Reddy brother’s of Bellary BJP.” Upon hearing the word “Mining”, Gowda’s son Kumaraswamy started weeping “Mine is mine, Mine is mine”. Pointing to Kumarawamy, Gowda asked reporters, “Now tell me, who will console him”.

The story in northern gangetic plains is not much different. Amar Singh, the spokesperson for Hindi heartland also complained his party was humiliated. He said, “When the last UPA government was in trouble getting support for Indo-US deal remember how much trust / cash we(Samajwadi Party) earned from ruling Congress party. We were able to extort so much cash, we can even buy handful of BJP MP’s. You remember the great scene in our parliament when some stupid BJP MP’s poured money on parliament floor. I think those golden moments of Indian democracy are gone for ever. He also added, “Now, Myself and Mulayam don’t know how much returns this investment will give us” - pointing to the 20 plus Samajwadi MP’s sitting like sheep’s at a corner.

BSP parliamentary leader, Akil Mishra also agreed with Amar Singh. Possibly this is the only issue rivals SP and BSP agrees. Akil added, “We too earned trust / cash of congress high command during election of Prathiba Pateel as president. Now see we are standing like beggars in front of parliament”. The mood of other leaders from gangetic plains like Lalu and Paswan were quite similar - humbled / humiliated, but they maintained low profile.

Again all attention turned to Gowda father / Son duo as Kumaraswamy started crying out at top of his voice, shouting “Papa, Mine is mine,Mine is mine; you told me so”. When some junior Congress MP’s from Karnataka walked down to console crying Kumaraswamy, Deve Gowda shouted at them, “You Congress people talk all about inclusive growth and priding yourselves as ‘Aam Admi Ka Sarkar(Government of common people)’. But see what your party has done to my family”.

We, reporters have witnessed so many heart-breaking scenes - Gujarat earth quake, Tsunami victims, Bihar Floods etc., but by far this is the most disturbing of all. We pray to God and appeal to PM and Finance minister to provide some relief for this MP’s in distress.

June 2nd is a memorable day in the life of Sonia Gandhi. This is the day she finally got certified by Mr. Sangma as an Indian.

Flash back – Year 1998; Congress got a golden chance to form government at the centre following the fall of Vajpayee led 13 month old government (fall - courtesy Jayalalitha and Subramaniam Swamy’s Tea party). There was a buzz about Sonia becoming prime minister. Most of the Congress and country men accepted it. But not all.

Marathi strong man Pawar opposed this move citing Sonia’s foreign origins. People can understand Pawar’s stand as he always had an eye on PM chair. So people were not surprised by his move. What really surprised people were Sangma - the non-controversial, arguably the political face of North-East India joining hands with Pawar. The resulting Nationalist Congress Party became such a formidable force, that in 10 years it grown to win 9 seats in Parliament.

This fact was bothering Sonia for long. Then Pawar surrendered in Year 2004 and got cabinet seat in last UPA government. But Sangma was reluctant and maintaining distance from Sonia for almost a decade.

But finally, Sangma yielded and called on the Congress leader. Congress sweep and his daughters political future seems to be the factors driven him to Sonia’s door. The meeting was cordial and Sonia was overjoyed by his unexpected gift.

A certificate stating in Hindi, English and all North-Eastern languages that Sonia is 100 % Indian. An emotional Sonia immediately ordered her son Rahul to frame that in Congress head quarters in Delhi.

If this certificate works well we can expect Sangma’s daughter landing in some plum post in Delhi. Everyone knows India is more Dynastocracy than Democracy.

New Delhi: Pakistan replies to India’s 26/11 dossier in its own inimitable style - “Indian dossier had Ghajini movie CD’s.”

India gave dossier on 26/11 Mumbai attack to Pakistan, seeking its cooperation on the investigation. After playing all delaying tactics, yesterday Pakistan’s external affairs minister “Cherry Rahman” decided to give the reply to Indian counterparts. She flew in to New Delhi to give the detailed report to Indian external affairs minister “Pranab Mukherjee”. Pranab graciously received the guest and thanked for personally delivering him the message. But he was shocked upon reading the message.

The message read,

09/02/2009
Islamabad

Pyare Pranab Bhai(Dear Pranab Brother),

We, the People of Pakistan are extremely thankful for sharing the dossier with us.

We should admit Pakistani’s always download Bollywood movies from illegal sites. Some “Non State actors” in Karachi even go to the extent of making pirated CD copies of these movies. Again we are ashamed to admit those copies were of poor video / hardly audible. But still they are way better than films made by our Lahore film industry.

So we were never able to enjoy good Bollywood movies. But in your 26/11 dossier we found Ghajini movie CD’s. The print was so original. Our President Asi Ali Zardari immediately took it to his home to watch with his family. He also shared the CD with Prime Minister Guilani and other coalition partners. However army chief, General Kayani refused to watch the movie as he is a great fan of Sharukh Khan. When we recommended him to watch this movie, he blasted, “I hate all Khan’s be it – “Aamir Khan”, “Salman Khan” or “Pop Khan (Corn)”; except Sharukh Khan”.

We heard that you are growing impatient over our delayed response. Actually, our beloved “Bilal Bhutto” too asked for the CD. Just yesterday he returned it from London. That’s the reason for the delay.

We also find some other documents in the dossier. I remember them saying something about Mumbai attack, 26/11 and some body by the name “Ajmal Amir Kasab”. We gave the details to our intelligence chief. He promised to get back to us by 30th Feb 2009. Once we get the response we will definitely get in touch with you.

“Indo-Paki Bhai-Bhai” - Long Live India Pakistan friendship.

Yours Truly,
(Signed)
Cherry Rahman

After reading the response Pranab Mukherjee fainted. Currently he is treated at AIIMS hospital, New Delhi.

Mean While Pakistan opposition leader, Nawaz Sharif had called for agitation in Rawalpindi for not sharing Ghajini movie CD with him.

Ayodhya: Thanks to untiring efforts of Samajwadi Chief Mulayam Singh, a hard core Hindutva mascot Kalyan Singh today converted to Secularism. With the zeal of new convert he announced many pro-minority policies.

Kalyan was the chief minister when the Babri masjid was demolished on December 6, 1992. President’s Rule was imposed in Uttar Pradesh soon after the demolition. Then, defiant Kalyan Singh roared, “I had a choice between sacrificing chief ministerial chair or protecting the Babri Masjid and I had chosen the former”. But thanks to his son Rajveer Singh’s political career - Kalyan now converted to Secularism.

Though Kalyan is now finding peace with “Secular” Samajwadi Party not everyone is happy. Muslims, the core constituents of Samajwadi Party are seething with anger over betrayal by their “Maulana” Mulayam. So to cool off minority sentiments Mulayam requested Kalyan to clarify his role in demolition. Keeping his son’s political career in mind Kalyan uttered a half hearted apology. But he gave so many empty promises on pro-minority policies to please “Maulana” Mulayam.

Top on the agenda is the scheme to rebuild Babri Masjid. Kalyan proclaimed, “Fourteen years ago I was at the helm in UP, when BJP terrorized the nation in the name of Ram Janma Bhoomi karseva. If Karseva’s can demolish a structure why can’t they built a structure? All we three Singh’s - Kalyan, Mulayam and Amar are soon going to announce a Karseva to rebuild Babri Masjid.”

Though political pundits push aside these reports poll gimmicks, they were amazed by the poaching techniques of Amar Singh. One pundit said, “If Amar can bring Kalyan to Samajwadi and make him secular, then the day is not too far when Narendra Modi too joins Samajwadi Party.”

Hyderabad: Speaking to reporters here, Congress spokes person Veerappa Moily said, “former Indian cricket captain Mohammad Azharuddin is selected for IPL 2009″. (Readers should understand this IPL means Indian Parliament league. This should not be confused with more famous IPL - Indian Premier League a Twenty20 cricket tournament.)

Last October, former Indian captain Azhar met Congress high command at New Delhi.  Then, Congress leaders Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi discussed with former Indian captain Azhar about him contesting for parliament elections on Congress ticket. But involved parties declined to speak to media on this.

But things were confirmed today when Azhar visited Andhra Pradesh Congress Committee head quarters in Hyderabad to meet Y S Rajasekhara Reddy and Veerappa Moily. After brief discussion former captain left with out speaking to reporters. Veerappa Moily later met press. He confirmed media speculation that Azhar is going to contest parliament election on congress ticket.

When reporters asked about match fixing allegations against Azhar, Veerappa Moily furiously responded, “Where were you reporters when Navjot Singh Sidhu, who had much serious murder charge against him was fielded by BJP? “.

How ever known sources say, Congress had roped in Azhar to counter the loss suffered due to Samajwadi Party poaching Sanjay Dutt. Also Congress firmly believes a man who can fix international cricket match can also easily fix a national election in party’s favor.

Reports from Lucknow suggest Samajwadi Party chief Mulayam Singh Yadav roasted Amar Singh. Mulayam shouted, “How can you miss such a high profile candidate like Azhar. One Sanjay Dutt is not enough for us. We have 80 parliamentary seats in Uttar Pradesh. We need to find controversial candidates for all these seats.” Amar Singh apologized to his chief and promised to bring in another match fixer “Ajay Jadeja” to Samajwadi Party.

New Delhi: Official Prime Minister Manmohan Singh personally went to a regional transport office in Indraprastha to get his driving license renewed. Along with him his wife Gursharan Kaur also got her license renewed.

Manmohan Singh noted for his humbleness, today personally drove to RTO office with his wife to get his license renewed. Punctual PM went at 9:00 AM to RTO office. But he needs to wait long for the issuing officer to come, who finally came in at 10:30 AM which is normal by government office standards. However Manmohan was shocked when the officer demanded Rs.100 bribe to renew license. Though Manmohan tried to explain he got all documents with him the officer was adamant with his demand. Finally license renewal was done only after Manmohan paid Rs.200 for renewing his and his wife’s license.

After returning to Prime Minister Office, Manmohan said, “I never thought people got treated like this in government offices. It just reminds me of the bollywood movie, Hindustani. When I watched the movie long ago, I thought the movies RTO office scenes are exaggerated. But after the treatment I got today I understand those things are real.” (“Hindustani” is a “Hindi movie” which famously depicts the way RTO offices operate in India. It was also released in regional languages – “Indian” in “Tamil” and “Bharateeyudu” in “Telegu”)

“The Prime Minister is quite upset with the way he was treated in RTO office. He is really concerned about common people of our country” Prime Minister’s media advisor Deepak Sandhu said.

Regional transport Office spokes person said, “Chandru Sharma, officer who allegedly took bribe from PM is suspended. A departmental inquiry is underway”.