New Delhi: Pakistan replies to India’s 26/11 dossier in its own inimitable style - “Indian dossier had Ghajini movie CD’s.”

India gave dossier on 26/11 Mumbai attack to Pakistan, seeking its cooperation on the investigation. After playing all delaying tactics, yesterday Pakistan’s external affairs minister “Cherry Rahman” decided to give the reply to Indian counterparts. She flew in to New Delhi to give the detailed report to Indian external affairs minister “Pranab Mukherjee”. Pranab graciously received the guest and thanked for personally delivering him the message. But he was shocked upon reading the message.

The message read,

09/02/2009
Islamabad

Pyare Pranab Bhai(Dear Pranab Brother),

We, the People of Pakistan are extremely thankful for sharing the dossier with us.

We should admit Pakistani’s always download Bollywood movies from illegal sites. Some “Non State actors” in Karachi even go to the extent of making pirated CD copies of these movies. Again we are ashamed to admit those copies were of poor video / hardly audible. But still they are way better than films made by our Lahore film industry.

So we were never able to enjoy good Bollywood movies. But in your 26/11 dossier we found Ghajini movie CD’s. The print was so original. Our President Asi Ali Zardari immediately took it to his home to watch with his family. He also shared the CD with Prime Minister Guilani and other coalition partners. However army chief, General Kayani refused to watch the movie as he is a great fan of Sharukh Khan. When we recommended him to watch this movie, he blasted, “I hate all Khan’s be it – “Aamir Khan”, “Salman Khan” or “Pop Khan (Corn)”; except Sharukh Khan”.

We heard that you are growing impatient over our delayed response. Actually, our beloved “Bilal Bhutto” too asked for the CD. Just yesterday he returned it from London. That’s the reason for the delay.

We also find some other documents in the dossier. I remember them saying something about Mumbai attack, 26/11 and some body by the name “Ajmal Amir Kasab”. We gave the details to our intelligence chief. He promised to get back to us by 30th Feb 2009. Once we get the response we will definitely get in touch with you.

“Indo-Paki Bhai-Bhai” - Long Live India Pakistan friendship.

Yours Truly,
(Signed)
Cherry Rahman

After reading the response Pranab Mukherjee fainted. Currently he is treated at AIIMS hospital, New Delhi.

Mean While Pakistan opposition leader, Nawaz Sharif had called for agitation in Rawalpindi for not sharing Ghajini movie CD with him.

Washington DC: Reports from White House suggest, Barack Obama the first African-American President of United States was annoyed by Pakistan President “Hugging” Zardari.

Barack Obama created history today by becoming first “Black President in White House”. More than 2 million people from all over the world gathered to watch this historic event. Though most visitors are law abiding few mischievous elements too mingled with the crowd - principal among them Pakistan President “Asif Ali Zardari”.

Pak. Prez. Zardari is famous for torturing world leaders by “hugging” them. His high profile victims include Indian Prime Minister “Manmohan Singh”, Afghan President “Hamid Karzai”, Tibet Spiritual leader “Dalai Lama” and many Middle Eastern leaders. Dalai Lama suffered the most, as this ailing leader was hugged by Zardari for more than 10 minutes in November 2007. Shocked Dalai Lama was admitted in a Mumbai hospital for treatment of respiratory problems. World leaders condemned Zardari, but he shrugged off saying, “Its part of South Asian tradition to hug friends. World should learn from Manmohan Singh. See how he keeps on smiling even if I trouble him the most”. World leaders thought after this incident Zardari will behave properly with world leaders. But events unfolded here in Washington DC today proved they were wrong.

When Obama was walking to the dais to take oath, Zardari came in from nowhere and hugged Obama. Zardari was not letting go Obama for nearly 4 minutes. Thanks to Zardari; Obama who should have taken oath at 12:00 PM EST can take oath only at 12:05 PM.

When reporters asked about this, polite Obama shrugged off the incident with his famous smile. But insider reports suggest Obama said, “I am very much annoyed with this person, “hugging” Zardari. I even stammered during my great moment because of the trauma caused by Mr.Zardari. People know me as ‘No Drama Obama’. I don’t know how to handle too dramatic Zardari”.

Reports suggest US Secret Services are coming up with a strategy to counter “hugging” Zardari. Meanwhile United Nations Security Council (UNSC) had issued guidelines to world leaders to protect them from “hugging” Zardari.

In an unprecedented move which shook international scientific community, NASA’s rovers “Spirit and Opportunity” applied for Mars citizenship.

The rovers were part of NASA’s mission to study Mars. The rover “Spirit” landed on Mars on 3 rd Jan 2004. “Opportunity” joined “Spirit” 21 days later. In the last five years they have returned more than 2,00,000 images and travelled over 21 kilometers on Mars surface.

Last Saturday, NASA’s top brass gathered at their Washington D.C. head quarters to celebrate NASA’s five years on Mars. Even while the celebrations were on unconfirmed reports started floating around that the two rovers have resigned from NASA and decided to apply for Mars citizenship. However agency executive Michelle Griffin declined to comment on rumors. But after a while official resignation letter came in from both rovers. The brief letter read - “It’s a great honor to work with scientists and Robots in NASA. It’s a great learning experience. How ever after five years in the same project we desperately need change. That’s the reason we decide to become Mars citizens, as it will help us achieve our career goals. Our best wishes to NASA on all its future endeavors. Do stay in touch at (emailid with an unknown Mars domain)”. Reports also came in from Mars’s Department of Immigration (DOI) that the earthlings (rovers) “Spirit and Opportunity” had applied for Mars citizenship and they are under processing.

Upon confirmation, NASA executives Michelle Griffin and Sarah Dale rushed to white house to brief President George Bush on this latest development. Post brief President called upon President-Elect Barack Obama to keep him posted.

In a surprising move to counter India’s “Chandrayaan” launch, Pakistan today announced that it is launching “Sun-i-yaan” - Pak’s mission to Sun.

As India’s “Chandrayaan” (Mission to Moon) launch in late October made headlines across the world. Experts across the globe speculated some response from India’s arch rival Pakistan, which is world famous for carrying out misadventures in trying to respond Indian threat.

The speculations became true today, with Pakistan Space Research Organization (PSRO) announcing “Sun-i-yaan” program. During a press conference at Islamabad PSRO chairman said “Sun-i-yaan” will be Pakistan’s and probably world’s first mission to Sun. He however did not disclose budgeting or time line details fearing sabotage from Indian intelligence agencies. Though majority of nation were jubilant over the decision some sections of the society like economists were concerned about the cost of the project while the country’s economy is already in crisis. PSRO chairman responded that budgeting won’t be a problem and as long as America is involved in “War on Terror” Pakistan can extort as much money as possible from it.

Still notable space research organizations across the world including “NASA” were doubtful about the scientific feasibility to send a craft to “Sun” considering the extreme heat conditions prevailing. PSRO countered the arguments and said that in a revolutionary solution to over come extreme heat, Pakistani scientists have decided to design “Sun-i-yaan” in such a way that it will approach “Sun” only during night time.

Indian external affairs ministry was shocked by the response from Pakistan Embassy on its request for action against forces involved in Mumbai Massacre.

Last week Indian external affairs ministry handed over package addressed to Pakistan President “Asif Ali Zardari” containing evidence of “Ajmal Amir Kasab’s” Pak Origin to Pakistan embassy in New Delhi. A week later Pakistan embassy returned the package unopened saying that they can’t find any one by the name “Asif Ali Zardari” in Pakistan.  Embarrassed by this out right rebuttal the Indian external affairs ministry summoned the Pakistani ambassador and shown “Asif Ali Zardari” in Karachi on Zee T.V. news. But Pakistani ambassador stubbornly said he can’t act based on media that too Indian media speculations. He also advised India to be patient and gave assurance if incase the Pakistani authorities find “Asif Ali Zardari” with the help of ISI in Pakistan they will definitely open the package and look into details of “Ajmal Amir Kasab”.

Infuriated by this incident Indian external affairs minister, “Pranab Mukherjee” as usual decided to complain about this to U.S. secretary of state, “Rice” the next time she stops by subcontinent.