New Delhi: Pakistan replies to India’s 26/11 dossier in its own inimitable style - “Indian dossier had Ghajini movie CD’s.”

India gave dossier on 26/11 Mumbai attack to Pakistan, seeking its cooperation on the investigation. After playing all delaying tactics, yesterday Pakistan’s external affairs minister “Cherry Rahman” decided to give the reply to Indian counterparts. She flew in to New Delhi to give the detailed report to Indian external affairs minister “Pranab Mukherjee”. Pranab graciously received the guest and thanked for personally delivering him the message. But he was shocked upon reading the message.

The message read,

09/02/2009
Islamabad

Pyare Pranab Bhai(Dear Pranab Brother),

We, the People of Pakistan are extremely thankful for sharing the dossier with us.

We should admit Pakistani’s always download Bollywood movies from illegal sites. Some “Non State actors” in Karachi even go to the extent of making pirated CD copies of these movies. Again we are ashamed to admit those copies were of poor video / hardly audible. But still they are way better than films made by our Lahore film industry.

So we were never able to enjoy good Bollywood movies. But in your 26/11 dossier we found Ghajini movie CD’s. The print was so original. Our President Asi Ali Zardari immediately took it to his home to watch with his family. He also shared the CD with Prime Minister Guilani and other coalition partners. However army chief, General Kayani refused to watch the movie as he is a great fan of Sharukh Khan. When we recommended him to watch this movie, he blasted, “I hate all Khan’s be it – “Aamir Khan”, “Salman Khan” or “Pop Khan (Corn)”; except Sharukh Khan”.

We heard that you are growing impatient over our delayed response. Actually, our beloved “Bilal Bhutto” too asked for the CD. Just yesterday he returned it from London. That’s the reason for the delay.

We also find some other documents in the dossier. I remember them saying something about Mumbai attack, 26/11 and some body by the name “Ajmal Amir Kasab”. We gave the details to our intelligence chief. He promised to get back to us by 30th Feb 2009. Once we get the response we will definitely get in touch with you.

“Indo-Paki Bhai-Bhai” - Long Live India Pakistan friendship.

Yours Truly,
(Signed)
Cherry Rahman

After reading the response Pranab Mukherjee fainted. Currently he is treated at AIIMS hospital, New Delhi.

Mean While Pakistan opposition leader, Nawaz Sharif had called for agitation in Rawalpindi for not sharing Ghajini movie CD with him.

Ayodhya: Thanks to untiring efforts of Samajwadi Chief Mulayam Singh, a hard core Hindutva mascot Kalyan Singh today converted to Secularism. With the zeal of new convert he announced many pro-minority policies.

Kalyan was the chief minister when the Babri masjid was demolished on December 6, 1992. President’s Rule was imposed in Uttar Pradesh soon after the demolition. Then, defiant Kalyan Singh roared, “I had a choice between sacrificing chief ministerial chair or protecting the Babri Masjid and I had chosen the former”. But thanks to his son Rajveer Singh’s political career - Kalyan now converted to Secularism.

Though Kalyan is now finding peace with “Secular” Samajwadi Party not everyone is happy. Muslims, the core constituents of Samajwadi Party are seething with anger over betrayal by their “Maulana” Mulayam. So to cool off minority sentiments Mulayam requested Kalyan to clarify his role in demolition. Keeping his son’s political career in mind Kalyan uttered a half hearted apology. But he gave so many empty promises on pro-minority policies to please “Maulana” Mulayam.

Top on the agenda is the scheme to rebuild Babri Masjid. Kalyan proclaimed, “Fourteen years ago I was at the helm in UP, when BJP terrorized the nation in the name of Ram Janma Bhoomi karseva. If Karseva’s can demolish a structure why can’t they built a structure? All we three Singh’s - Kalyan, Mulayam and Amar are soon going to announce a Karseva to rebuild Babri Masjid.”

Though political pundits push aside these reports poll gimmicks, they were amazed by the poaching techniques of Amar Singh. One pundit said, “If Amar can bring Kalyan to Samajwadi and make him secular, then the day is not too far when Narendra Modi too joins Samajwadi Party.”

Bangalore: Due to unequivocal condemnation from all over India and imminent ban threat - “Sri Ram Sena” famous for the atrocious attack on women at a pub in Mangalore decided to change its name to Sri Ravan Sena.

Though Hindu fundamentalist organizations like “Bajrang Dal” and “Vishwa Hindu Parishad” at times attack minority Muslims and Christians, they were generally tolerant towards women.  So Indian women believed, apart from Valentines Day (Sanghh Parivar’s Moral Policing Day) any day of the year they are free in modern India. Their belief was torn apart last Sunday at Mangalore, Karnataka.

This day “Sri Ram Sena” a fledgling member of “Sangh Parivar” decided to take on women visiting pubs. “Sri Ram Sena” members entered pubs by force, chased and attacked women. Seeing the reports in media, common people wondered whether Mangalore is a modern Indian city or a tribal town in Afghanistan. Nation overwhelmingly condemned this outrageous act.

Realizing the opposition from all quarters and predicting an imminent ban by the government, “Sri Ram Sena” today decided to rename itself as “Sri Ravan Sena”. Insider sources claimed, “Sri Ram Sena” leader Pramod Mutalik  had said, “We have already learned from our Pakistani brothers. When some one bans your organization just change its name and operate. We also taught lot other things. Soon we are going to ban fashion shows, women going to work and burn all girls’ schools in Karnataka. This way we will preserve Indian culture.”

Karnataka people are worried by this latest development. KumaraSwamy Gowda(48) from Alsur, Bangalore said, “Think about this! an organization that can commit so many atrocities even in the name of ‘Ram’ can go to what extent when it decides to go by the name of ‘Ravan’. Even the mere thought makes me tremble”.

Hyderabad: Speaking to reporters here, Congress spokes person Veerappa Moily said, “former Indian cricket captain Mohammad Azharuddin is selected for IPL 2009″. (Readers should understand this IPL means Indian Parliament league. This should not be confused with more famous IPL - Indian Premier League a Twenty20 cricket tournament.)

Last October, former Indian captain Azhar met Congress high command at New Delhi.  Then, Congress leaders Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi discussed with former Indian captain Azhar about him contesting for parliament elections on Congress ticket. But involved parties declined to speak to media on this.

But things were confirmed today when Azhar visited Andhra Pradesh Congress Committee head quarters in Hyderabad to meet Y S Rajasekhara Reddy and Veerappa Moily. After brief discussion former captain left with out speaking to reporters. Veerappa Moily later met press. He confirmed media speculation that Azhar is going to contest parliament election on congress ticket.

When reporters asked about match fixing allegations against Azhar, Veerappa Moily furiously responded, “Where were you reporters when Navjot Singh Sidhu, who had much serious murder charge against him was fielded by BJP? “.

How ever known sources say, Congress had roped in Azhar to counter the loss suffered due to Samajwadi Party poaching Sanjay Dutt. Also Congress firmly believes a man who can fix international cricket match can also easily fix a national election in party’s favor.

Reports from Lucknow suggest Samajwadi Party chief Mulayam Singh Yadav roasted Amar Singh. Mulayam shouted, “How can you miss such a high profile candidate like Azhar. One Sanjay Dutt is not enough for us. We have 80 parliamentary seats in Uttar Pradesh. We need to find controversial candidates for all these seats.” Amar Singh apologized to his chief and promised to bring in another match fixer “Ajay Jadeja” to Samajwadi Party.

Washington DC: Reports from White House suggest, Barack Obama the first African-American President of United States was annoyed by Pakistan President “Hugging” Zardari.

Barack Obama created history today by becoming first “Black President in White House”. More than 2 million people from all over the world gathered to watch this historic event. Though most visitors are law abiding few mischievous elements too mingled with the crowd - principal among them Pakistan President “Asif Ali Zardari”.

Pak. Prez. Zardari is famous for torturing world leaders by “hugging” them. His high profile victims include Indian Prime Minister “Manmohan Singh”, Afghan President “Hamid Karzai”, Tibet Spiritual leader “Dalai Lama” and many Middle Eastern leaders. Dalai Lama suffered the most, as this ailing leader was hugged by Zardari for more than 10 minutes in November 2007. Shocked Dalai Lama was admitted in a Mumbai hospital for treatment of respiratory problems. World leaders condemned Zardari, but he shrugged off saying, “Its part of South Asian tradition to hug friends. World should learn from Manmohan Singh. See how he keeps on smiling even if I trouble him the most”. World leaders thought after this incident Zardari will behave properly with world leaders. But events unfolded here in Washington DC today proved they were wrong.

When Obama was walking to the dais to take oath, Zardari came in from nowhere and hugged Obama. Zardari was not letting go Obama for nearly 4 minutes. Thanks to Zardari; Obama who should have taken oath at 12:00 PM EST can take oath only at 12:05 PM.

When reporters asked about this, polite Obama shrugged off the incident with his famous smile. But insider reports suggest Obama said, “I am very much annoyed with this person, “hugging” Zardari. I even stammered during my great moment because of the trauma caused by Mr.Zardari. People know me as ‘No Drama Obama’. I don’t know how to handle too dramatic Zardari”.

Reports suggest US Secret Services are coming up with a strategy to counter “hugging” Zardari. Meanwhile United Nations Security Council (UNSC) had issued guidelines to world leaders to protect them from “hugging” Zardari.

New Delhi: Official Prime Minister Manmohan Singh personally went to a regional transport office in Indraprastha to get his driving license renewed. Along with him his wife Gursharan Kaur also got her license renewed.

Manmohan Singh noted for his humbleness, today personally drove to RTO office with his wife to get his license renewed. Punctual PM went at 9:00 AM to RTO office. But he needs to wait long for the issuing officer to come, who finally came in at 10:30 AM which is normal by government office standards. However Manmohan was shocked when the officer demanded Rs.100 bribe to renew license. Though Manmohan tried to explain he got all documents with him the officer was adamant with his demand. Finally license renewal was done only after Manmohan paid Rs.200 for renewing his and his wife’s license.

After returning to Prime Minister Office, Manmohan said, “I never thought people got treated like this in government offices. It just reminds me of the bollywood movie, Hindustani. When I watched the movie long ago, I thought the movies RTO office scenes are exaggerated. But after the treatment I got today I understand those things are real.” (“Hindustani” is a “Hindi movie” which famously depicts the way RTO offices operate in India. It was also released in regional languages – “Indian” in “Tamil” and “Bharateeyudu” in “Telegu”)

“The Prime Minister is quite upset with the way he was treated in RTO office. He is really concerned about common people of our country” Prime Minister’s media advisor Deepak Sandhu said.

Regional transport Office spokes person said, “Chandru Sharma, officer who allegedly took bribe from PM is suspended. A departmental inquiry is underway”.